Going GREEN Part 3: Breast feeding- blues & dilemma

Believe it or not, it has been more than a month of my silence. It's not that I don't want to blog- there's always ideas to write- but during the last few weeks, I had to forget about blogging because I was in agony, waiting for the little one in my bump to come out! Owh.. tell me about it! The back pain was terrible, lack of sleep, dragging myself to work (not being able to even follow ward rounds standing up!), the boys' neverending quarrels.. you name it. By the end of the day, who feels like blogging?

Now, our new addition, Hannah, is about 3 weeks old. Gone all the labour pain, the pelvic pain & discomfort.. welcome endless nights, nappy changes and breast engorgement!

Nevertheless, all the pain gone through was well worth it when I look at my dear (long awaited) daughter's eyes. She's a very calm girl, compared to her elder brothers who were quite a handful at managing when they were tiny (even now!). She only screams when she is wet- oh ya.. she has been on cloth diapers since we came back from hospital at day 2- otherwise, she's always sleeping so peacefully. Now  I know why Mom didn't mind having 4 daughters and a son (were we really that good Mom? Awh.. bless us!).

Right.. back to our topic- BREAST FEEDING. Maybe many would be thinking- why is she blogging about breast feeding? She must want to show off her skills, since it's her 4th child and she must be really good at it. Well, the hell NO. I might have 4 children, but the truth is.. I've never succeeded at breast feeding exclusively. So that's why I've decided to write about it.

First, a little bit of background. I'm a Paediatric doctor. I've been to several breast feeding courses in my 8 years of service. I know all the basics and the theory behind breast feeding. I'm a 100% supporter of exclusive breast feeding. I have all the gadgets 'needed' to assist with breast feeding. I join local online breast feeding support groups. Yet I still don't succeed at breast feeding my children!

With my first child, Isyraf, I was determined to exclusively breast feed. So, right from day 1, I eagerly put him to my breasts although I had very little colostrum (I mean VERY VERY little- near dry). I didn't want to supplement him at all. He ended up being very fretful, so I had to put him to my breasts again and again (on demand). I got really stressed up (and that didn't help with milk production at all), my nipples were sore and cracked they even bled due to poor attachment- and I ended up crying along with my boy!

Then, I went for post partum massage, which included the breasts and my milk started flowing. There was suddenly sooo much milk (I'm not sure if it's because of the massage, or because it was day 3 and milk production was supposed to be better anyway!) but my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't come to put my son on my breasts because of the pain. So I had to pump and feed him till the pain was more bearable, but pumping isn't the same as a baby suckling- the milk doesn't come all out- and I ended with breast engorgement. When I'm engorged, it's also painful, so I would put Isyraf back to my breasts to suckle. But when the breasts are sooo engorged, he wouldn't be able to latch properly and I again ended up with sore nipples.. and the cycle goes on...

Moral of the story: Be calm and patient when breast feeding. Make sure baby latches on properly. If you're engorged, do pump out some milk first so your breasts are soft and baby can attach properly. You can feed him with the milk collected later.

I had more or less the same experience with Iman and Izwan later on, but they were not as bad as the ones I had with Isyraf.

Now with Hannah, breast feeding so far has been smooth sailing. I still haven't managed to breast feed exclusively, I'm not proud of it, but I'm content with it. I know that breast feeding doesn't come easy to everybody- I have come to terms with this fact. I believe that breast feeding is the best gift you could ever give your child, so as with any gift, it should be given with a lot of love and happiness.

So, to Moms reading this- to those who's experiencing the same things I had- rest assured. You're not the only one having problems. Theory is never the same as practical. And not being able to breast feed exclusively doesn't make you a bad mom.

Give what you can give, anyway you can, and give it with a lot of love. Nothing beats the gift of love.

"Happy" Breast Feeding!

Multitasking- who said it was gonna be easy?

MULTITASKING- who came up with that term in the 1st place anyway? It's like trying to tell you that it's normal to be doing so many things at the same time (and it sounded soo easy). So when you find yourself stuck in the middle of all the tasks you need to complete, then you know... nope! Not gonna be easy!

I've always thought that i'm a multitasker.. yeah.. where do you think 'UltraMom' came from? A galaxy far far away (quote from Iman: "Planet Cahaya")? And that i've been good at it too. But now I've come to a point where exhaustion creeps in. Then i'm thinking.. "maybe i'm not that good at it afterall".

I find myself caught between all the tasks- from becoming a mom to becoming a doctor and now becoming a part time Cloth Diaper seller! Maybe some would think- why on earth did she get herself into another mess? To be honest, I quite enjoy doing this cloth diapering thing- it gets my mind off all the stress at work- mind you... work has taken a toll on me lately. It's the same ol' problem with the same ol' babies over and over again, it's making me sick. I'm not saying that i hate my job or my patients, i'm just TIRED of them all... So that's when I started concentrating on cloth diapers after working hours (although I have to admit that i do take opportunities to promote them or  ehemm .. 'create awareness' regarding them while working or breaking.

It's not an easy thing, starting up a small business (although i'm doing it as a hobby)- but because i enjoy and believe in it sooo much, I guess it makes the job easier. I've actually set up the blogshop myself (although i do have an IT guy as my hubby), I designed the brochures and had them printed for a small cost, I bring along samples of diapers to show others etc. etc. It takes a lot of hard work and time but I'm sure one day it will all pay off (business has been quite slow lately.. not sure how to make it grow bigger). I guess it's not easy to create awareness among the people of Malaysia due to many factors.. oh well.. at least I've tried. Oh yeah.. you can have a look at my shop at BabyUltra Cloth Diaper Shop and give some comments. Would really appreciate any, thanks.

Home and kids have been tough too. Sometimes I feel like a terrible mom coz i spend soo little time with my children. It's a shame that Bibik (my maid) seems to know my sons better than me.. huhu... I'm actually looking forward to my confinement period where I hopefully can spend much more time around my kids then. They grow so fast I can hardly believe it. Izwan my little baby, just turned 2 years old on 7/7/11 and he seems so different now.. he's a big boy and starting his 'terrible two' period which is driving all of us nuts. We managed to celebrate his birthday party though on that day, in the presence of family members only (I was postcall and so damn tired but the party must go on! Love u Izwan!)

So I guess that's all for now. Good luck to all mothers out there who find themselves multitasking (just don't break down yah?). Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. will keep you posted.

Izwan is all smiles on his 2nd birthday