Going GREEN Part 3: Breast feeding- blues & dilemma

Believe it or not, it has been more than a month of my silence. It's not that I don't want to blog- there's always ideas to write- but during the last few weeks, I had to forget about blogging because I was in agony, waiting for the little one in my bump to come out! Owh.. tell me about it! The back pain was terrible, lack of sleep, dragging myself to work (not being able to even follow ward rounds standing up!), the boys' neverending quarrels.. you name it. By the end of the day, who feels like blogging?

Now, our new addition, Hannah, is about 3 weeks old. Gone all the labour pain, the pelvic pain & discomfort.. welcome endless nights, nappy changes and breast engorgement!

Nevertheless, all the pain gone through was well worth it when I look at my dear (long awaited) daughter's eyes. She's a very calm girl, compared to her elder brothers who were quite a handful at managing when they were tiny (even now!). She only screams when she is wet- oh ya.. she has been on cloth diapers since we came back from hospital at day 2- otherwise, she's always sleeping so peacefully. Now  I know why Mom didn't mind having 4 daughters and a son (were we really that good Mom? Awh.. bless us!).

Right.. back to our topic- BREAST FEEDING. Maybe many would be thinking- why is she blogging about breast feeding? She must want to show off her skills, since it's her 4th child and she must be really good at it. Well, the hell NO. I might have 4 children, but the truth is.. I've never succeeded at breast feeding exclusively. So that's why I've decided to write about it.

First, a little bit of background. I'm a Paediatric doctor. I've been to several breast feeding courses in my 8 years of service. I know all the basics and the theory behind breast feeding. I'm a 100% supporter of exclusive breast feeding. I have all the gadgets 'needed' to assist with breast feeding. I join local online breast feeding support groups. Yet I still don't succeed at breast feeding my children!

With my first child, Isyraf, I was determined to exclusively breast feed. So, right from day 1, I eagerly put him to my breasts although I had very little colostrum (I mean VERY VERY little- near dry). I didn't want to supplement him at all. He ended up being very fretful, so I had to put him to my breasts again and again (on demand). I got really stressed up (and that didn't help with milk production at all), my nipples were sore and cracked they even bled due to poor attachment- and I ended up crying along with my boy!

Then, I went for post partum massage, which included the breasts and my milk started flowing. There was suddenly sooo much milk (I'm not sure if it's because of the massage, or because it was day 3 and milk production was supposed to be better anyway!) but my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't come to put my son on my breasts because of the pain. So I had to pump and feed him till the pain was more bearable, but pumping isn't the same as a baby suckling- the milk doesn't come all out- and I ended with breast engorgement. When I'm engorged, it's also painful, so I would put Isyraf back to my breasts to suckle. But when the breasts are sooo engorged, he wouldn't be able to latch properly and I again ended up with sore nipples.. and the cycle goes on...

Moral of the story: Be calm and patient when breast feeding. Make sure baby latches on properly. If you're engorged, do pump out some milk first so your breasts are soft and baby can attach properly. You can feed him with the milk collected later.

I had more or less the same experience with Iman and Izwan later on, but they were not as bad as the ones I had with Isyraf.

Now with Hannah, breast feeding so far has been smooth sailing. I still haven't managed to breast feed exclusively, I'm not proud of it, but I'm content with it. I know that breast feeding doesn't come easy to everybody- I have come to terms with this fact. I believe that breast feeding is the best gift you could ever give your child, so as with any gift, it should be given with a lot of love and happiness.

So, to Moms reading this- to those who's experiencing the same things I had- rest assured. You're not the only one having problems. Theory is never the same as practical. And not being able to breast feed exclusively doesn't make you a bad mom.

Give what you can give, anyway you can, and give it with a lot of love. Nothing beats the gift of love.

"Happy" Breast Feeding!

Multitasking- who said it was gonna be easy?

MULTITASKING- who came up with that term in the 1st place anyway? It's like trying to tell you that it's normal to be doing so many things at the same time (and it sounded soo easy). So when you find yourself stuck in the middle of all the tasks you need to complete, then you know... nope! Not gonna be easy!

I've always thought that i'm a multitasker.. yeah.. where do you think 'UltraMom' came from? A galaxy far far away (quote from Iman: "Planet Cahaya")? And that i've been good at it too. But now I've come to a point where exhaustion creeps in. Then i'm thinking.. "maybe i'm not that good at it afterall".

I find myself caught between all the tasks- from becoming a mom to becoming a doctor and now becoming a part time Cloth Diaper seller! Maybe some would think- why on earth did she get herself into another mess? To be honest, I quite enjoy doing this cloth diapering thing- it gets my mind off all the stress at work- mind you... work has taken a toll on me lately. It's the same ol' problem with the same ol' babies over and over again, it's making me sick. I'm not saying that i hate my job or my patients, i'm just TIRED of them all... So that's when I started concentrating on cloth diapers after working hours (although I have to admit that i do take opportunities to promote them or  ehemm .. 'create awareness' regarding them while working or breaking.

It's not an easy thing, starting up a small business (although i'm doing it as a hobby)- but because i enjoy and believe in it sooo much, I guess it makes the job easier. I've actually set up the blogshop myself (although i do have an IT guy as my hubby), I designed the brochures and had them printed for a small cost, I bring along samples of diapers to show others etc. etc. It takes a lot of hard work and time but I'm sure one day it will all pay off (business has been quite slow lately.. not sure how to make it grow bigger). I guess it's not easy to create awareness among the people of Malaysia due to many factors.. oh well.. at least I've tried. Oh yeah.. you can have a look at my shop at BabyUltra Cloth Diaper Shop and give some comments. Would really appreciate any, thanks.

Home and kids have been tough too. Sometimes I feel like a terrible mom coz i spend soo little time with my children. It's a shame that Bibik (my maid) seems to know my sons better than me.. huhu... I'm actually looking forward to my confinement period where I hopefully can spend much more time around my kids then. They grow so fast I can hardly believe it. Izwan my little baby, just turned 2 years old on 7/7/11 and he seems so different now.. he's a big boy and starting his 'terrible two' period which is driving all of us nuts. We managed to celebrate his birthday party though on that day, in the presence of family members only (I was postcall and so damn tired but the party must go on! Love u Izwan!)

So I guess that's all for now. Good luck to all mothers out there who find themselves multitasking (just don't break down yah?). Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. will keep you posted.

Izwan is all smiles on his 2nd birthday

It's just one of those days...

Tired, low, depressed, sad, fed-up- wondering why? why? why?- feeling like quitting etc. etc. The list goes on & on &on... yeah maybe IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

It's one of those days when work really gets to you.. Guess there's nobody else to blame but my self. I chose to "Berkhidmat Untuk Negara" in the first place right? Not that I regret serving the nation for the past 8 years, but sometimes the amount of energy & commitment people at work expect from you is just beyond what you can handle. And sometimes "kepentingan perkhidmatan" is wayyy above your own "kepentingan kebajikan" or "kepentingan sanity" (am I gonna get transferred to Sabah/ Sarawak for saying this?). Today is a day when I just feel like I've had enough. And who can blame me?

Dear God, please give me the strength & the sanity to put up with this.. Amin.

we brought izwan to alamanda today, to help umi deal with her stress (hehe shopping la)

Love is in the air...

June.. a romantic month for Umi & Baba, as we're celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary. That's why i chose this title for this post.

This year's celebration is somewhat different from the past years'- no romantic gifts/ cards/ getaways/ candle-lit dinners. It was more about being together as a family- reflecting on our life together for the past 7 years & sharing our hopes & visions for the future. It was simpler yet touched our hearts deeply.

We spent the weekend with our kids- taking them for a morning walk at Putrajaya's Taman Botani (Putrajaya has become our regular 'Going Green' weekend hang out spot lately). It feels great when we are able to concentrate on them only, instead of staring at the displays in the window at shopping malls, seeing them play, laugh & let-loose once in a while. Then it was breakfast time at McD's (they chose it).

the ever excited iman in his Brit police cap



baba n d boys



sweet boy- buah hati umi

The next day, we had lunch @ Secret Recipe (they also chose this!) where they can have whatever their hearts' desire- ice cream obviously, while Umi was ravishing through her chocolate brownie with vanilla icecream & chocolate sauce! Yummy!!!

On our anniversary day itself, Baba & I both took leave from work & spent time together in KL (kids.. told you that shopping malls are for Umi & Baba only). Breakfast @ Bangi Kopitiam, then headed for Ikea & The Curve. Watched Pirates of the Caribbean (awesome!), had our 'romantic lunch' - meatballs & chicken wings- at Ikea, shopped for a few things (i never go home empty handed from Ikea) and headed home just before 5pm.

burrrppp...

It may seem like a normal weekend, but it was all the conversations & reflections that took place that day, that made the difference. I think this is actually how i'd prefer to spend our anniversaries. It brings more meaning & takes the relationship to a greater level.

Love is definitely in the air.

Announcement!

If you are wondering where my cloth diaper posts are, I've just transferred them to a new blog (haha..) where all I talk about there is about cloth diapers!

Happy Nappy: A Cloth Diapering Journey

Hope to see you there!

Going GREEN Part 2: Teaching the kids to appreciate nature

We wanted to do this for a long time, but we couldn't find the right time to do so (yeah right)... Finally, we decided to bring the kids to Putrajaya's Wetlands... just so they could be closer to nature. Actually we realized how deprived they were of exposure to nature during my workplace's Family Day to Agrotek a few months ago.. there was a river there and the water was crystal clear, but Iman asked, "umi, why is the water so dirty???"... i was puzzled at first, then i realized what he meant- he has never seen a river before, so he was surprised to see the sand underneath the water!!! all this while we have brought the kids off on holidays to hotels where they often played in the swimming pool (no sand in the pool!) or our weekends were spent at some shopping mall somewhere...  this is really sad. We have been teaching our kids to become materialistic without us noticing it...

So today finally, we brought them closer to nature, hoping that they will grow to appreciate the simple things life can offer... (shopping mall trips are for umi n baba only.. hehehehe).. and they had a lot of fun...

isyraf n iman's controlled pose

had to make sure the lil one didnt jump into the lake!

baba n d boys

ultramom n ultramen tiga

umi as snapped by isyraf

not bad.. by iman

and another one, by iman!

at last.. his precious smile on camera!

opah joined us towards the end

tokwan too...

being an ultra mom- trying really hard today *sniff-sniff*

i'm feeling really under the weather today.. and the past few days. i haven't had a cough & runny nose this bad since.. i can't remember when. it was a long time ago.

i'm supposed to be resting in bed today, having eaten my meds.. but i had to get up & be an ULTRAMOM for the kids today. well, isyraf has his final soccer tournament in UKM today.. he's been training every weekend for the past 6 months or so. and suddenly, their kindergarten suddenly announced that there was going to be a Mother's Day celebration @ school today too! so we had to split the task- Umi will take iman to school for mother's day and Baba will take isyraf to his soccer tournament (sorry kids.. cant be at both places at the same time..)

so umi had to fight the myalgia (body ache) to see iman's performance @ school.. it was well worth it, of course.. he couldn't stop smiling. i guess he's feeling really happy that umi is finally paying full attention to him today.. poor thing.. anyway, we went home at around 11 am with a handful of goodies (thanks teachers!)

at  home i kept on wondering how isyraf was doing at the field. so i decided to give baba a call. when i did, all i heard was his panicky voice saying "isyraf jatuh.. darah penuh.. nanti saya call balik".. omg... really tried to contain my feelings that time and my mind was racing with all the questions i could ask... then he called back saying that he's on his way to pick me up at home & we'll both bring him to hospital (still didn't know what's going on.. only glad that baba said he was conscious!). so they got home, and there was my little boy crying while holding his chin with a gauze full of blood. i had a look.. and it was a cut... ala... need a few stitches and he'll be ok... what a relief!!!

so we did just that at the nearest hospital.. he needed 4 stitches on the chin- he was such a brave boy (umi is very proud of u isyraf!).. and headed home relieved & exhausted...

boys... what can i say.. u guys really push me to my limits.. but i dont care as long as u guys are ok..

being an ultra mom- taking the kids to the park on a post-call day *yawn*

i had a terrible, terrible oncall night on friday. on my feet most of the time, taking care of an unwanted 2.4kg baby. it's really sad that the mother is an ignorant, irresposible teenager and her baby had to be this sick, with nobody to love him apart from his doctors and nurses (this is the sad part of the job..). went to bed at 3am (yes, i mean i went to bed, but never slept as the phone didnt stop ringing till 6 am- wake up time).

the next morning, a saturday morning, was up n about from 6am- worked till around 10.30am and finally went home to the loving arms of wonderful hubby n children... and slept till the afternoon, of course!

woke up at around 4pm, feeling as guilty as ever (always feel this way on a postcall day, especially when it's a weekend)... NEED TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT SINCE THEY HAVEN'T SEEN MOMMY FOR >24 HOURS... that was the only statement in my head & the only thing that kept me going till night.

So we brought them to Taman Tasik Cempaka.. which is only a few minutes' drive from home (and near McDonalds too.. yippeee!!!).

Nothing can beat the feeling- seeing the kids have a great time playing at the play area and flying kites (which most of the time was on the ground anyway!).. nevermind.. as long as they're all smilessss...

we ended the day with a trip to McD's drive thru... of course!

Kids (and abang..) u guys really rock my world... LOVE U ALL... Muuahhhh!!!

the ever cute & controlling Iman & his kite (yup.. mostly on the ground)

Isyraf's kite actually flew for quite some time...

Izwan (who had a 'leakage' that day.. sorry dear) also had a great time..

Going GREEN Part 1: Cloth diapering the children

hehehe..

if u've read my earlier entries, u would know by now how much i'm in to my kids lately.. dont think it's just the hormones playing with my emotions, it's a whole load of stuff..

one thing that has become a particular interest is cloth diapering (of all things.. hahaha). i'm not sure if u guys have started this for your children but i do see this as an emerging 'trend'.. a good one actually.. so after doing some research, i've decided to cloth diaper the little ones... for the following reasons:

1. it's very cost effective in the long run- i have izwan who's not toilet trained yet and he still has about 1-2 years before he is dry by day/ night. even iman is still occassionally wet at night (he just wont let go of his bottle before bed!).. and i insyaallah, have another one on the way who will be diaper-dependent for another 3-4 years! the problem is my children will not settle for anything less than mamy poko!!! they have very sensitive skin that any 'cheap' diaper will cause recurrent nappy rashes.. so that's about rm80+ per month= rm960- rm1k per year = rm3k for the rest of their growing life with diapers... and that's like for 1 child ok? so cloth diapers cost around rm30+- rm 90+ per pair (depending on the type.. if i have time, i'll blog about this later).. but accumulatively, they would cost around rm700-1000 per investment (one time buy, can use throughout diapering period, and can share among siblings as they're adjustable!).. so that's around rm2k-3k savings per child!! (can use the money for umi's SKII! hehe.. kidding la.. can use for health insurance or education)
2. their bums look so damn cute in those diapers! and they dont leak (well, so far la..)
3. they're easy to take care of... (bibik is very willing to hand wash coz we only have 5 at the moment for trial run... sayyyanggg bibik).. can also load into the washing machine once we have more to fill it up!
4. u can use them as an infant swimming trunk
5. they're environmental friendly- do u know that it takes up to 500 years to decompose a single disposable diaper? what the hell are we thinking man?
6. they're not toxic- i had no idea that disposable diapers contain a lot of toxins that could harm our children.. i'll put up a link so u guys can have a read..

so.. i hope that i have opened some minds from this post. i'm not an expert in cloth diapering yet, as i have just started it myself, but so far i'm a huge fan. i'm still trying out different types to see which my kids and i prefer.. so go go cloth diapers! let's all do something for mother nature yeahoo!
The Real Diaper Association ... creating a cultural shift

izwan's first day of cloth diapering.. he loved it! he's really camera shy so it's sooo difficult to get a nice pose from this fella...

being an ultra mom

i'm sure i'm not the only one in this world who feels like there's too many things to juggle at the same time. work vs family. i want them both but at the moment i feel like there's nothing more important to me than my kids. i love my job and i'm not really where i wanna be with the job yet, but u know what.. i feel like i just cant be bothered anymore. sometimes i wonder whyyy do i always put myself through hardship when there's always an 'easy way out'... i'm in a good profession and by right i can choose an easier way to work and still earn as much (or even more) by doing something different to what i'm doing now. i guess it's just my pride (u see, i feel like people will judge me if i leave what i'm doing now) and my unwillingness to leave my 'comfort zone' that gets me stuck in the same ol' frustrating routine everyday...

being at home, watching my 3 boys play (n fight) gives me the ultimate pleasure as a person. if i could afford it, i'd like to just stay at home and watch them grow in front of my eyes... i feel really frustrated that because of my busy scheadule, i miss the important things in their lives.. concerts, football tournaments.. they even do their homeworks with my maid! i really wanna be more hands-on when it comes to taking care of my kids but i just dont have the energy after a busy day at work. on my days off, i try to spend time with them as much as i could.. but there's just sooo many things to do.. groceries, shopping, and some 'my time' activities..

i wish i have the guts to make a change for the sake of my family. but will it make a difference???

greetings... earthlings

hiyaa all.. i feel a bit old for all this but somehow i still wanna start blogging. i guess when u're so used to writing diaries, stopping makes u feel so suffocated with unnecessary emotions.. at least now i have a place to channel my feelings- my joy, happiness, ups & downs, frustrations with the world etc etc.. so we'll see how it goes, shall we???